Mother of Angels: Part 3

part3_MOA

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Our third baby

Pregnant again. I wasn’t looking forward to all the fussing but everyone was worried. I was worried. “What if the same thing happens to this baby?” I tried my best to be positive. I opted for baby books and a journal as I always felt better jotting things down. My mind set was scarred so badly that I subconsciously expected another miscarriage.

Despite my negative thoughts, I still had very happy thoughts. Thoughts that would take away the past pain and I would be peaceful…for that few minutes. I would imagine myself nine months pregnant and in labour; Francois is there in scrubs and he’s smiling broadly waiting to catch everything on tape. That moment, when it does happen one day, it will be one of my best memories. I regularly think of my babies; one day she/he looks like Francois, and the next day like me! And I love this baby so much. I haven’t met him/her yet, but I know exactly how I will feel and what I will do to keep that baby safe, loved and very happy. In my heart, I have always been a mother.

Third baby kept me on my toes like you’ll never believe.

I was so nervous! I didn’t want to take any chances. I just want to be at home. I was so afraid of putting my baby’s life at risk.

No, Not again!!

The pregnancy was progressing well after two months, but then I started spotting again. I prepared myself for the worst. And it happened. I lost the baby only 5 weeks after finding out about the pregnancy. I felt lost, almost numb, but I carried on. Besides, it’s not like I didn’t know what to expect. It’s going to be painful and then it will be over. And it was. I can’t even remember much of the details of the third miscarriage. I blocked it out so far because that was the pregnancy that was supposed to materialize right? Third time lucky everyone said… But It was so false, I had to say goodbye to Angel number 3.

The painful struggle forward

Francois and I struggled on our own after that, it was just too hard to speak about. Everyone wanted us to go for counseling. “Losing a child can make or break a marriage.” And the questions people asked us! It turned my sadness into anger and that is the worst state to be in while battling with grief. Why? How did this happen? What’s the cause? Is there something wrong with you? People mean well I do realize this, but read those questions again right now. And? Not very sensitive are they? No, I don’t know why it happened, if I did, I could tell the doctor and solve a lot of mysteries for myself and a lot of other women.

If I knew what caused it, I would’ve eliminated it from my life back then already so that it never happens again. If I knew what was wrong with me, I would’ve fixed it in a heartbeat. Most miscarriages are unexplained. Not even tests can give 80% of the women suffering from multiple miscarriages the answers they need. All we need is that strong shoulder to cry on, nothing else. Francois and I were so young back then, the last thing we wanted to do was leave each other. It would’ve made the pain of losing 3 children much worse if we had tried to grieve on our own.

When I look back now, our bond was stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. We married for love but no couple ever thinks about having to go through this while exchanging vows, and it shouldn’t be like that.

 End of part 3. Lookout for part 4 tomorrow

Leizel and Francios

Leizel and Francios

I am Liezel Adams Emkie, a 30 year old Executive PA at a Property Firm. I am  married to the love of my life Francois Xavier Emkie for 8 years. In my spare time I  love curling up to a good book and I treasure my book collection by famous authors. Writing and listening to music is something i love to do. Prioritizing family time in my life is what makes my heart happy.

I spend a lot of time with my husband and family; it’s my favourite thing in the whole world. My sisters and my father take up a big part of my heart, we’ve been through so much together, our bond is admirably strong and I love them so much. In the near future I would like to learn to play a musical instrument. I still have hope and faith to someday becoming a mother to a healthy bundle of joy.

 

About the Author

Founder of the Just Pursue It Blog and Inspirational Women Initiative. I interview women from around the world to share their story of inspiration and hope. I'm a Motivational writer and Media designer, who is obsessed with everything Inspirational with a hint of Geek. Thrives on spreading everything Positive and enjoys the company of Fabulous Motivational people. Inspired by people with beautiful hearts. Loves Design, Interviews, Doing talks, Product Reviews, Fashion, Technology, Good food, Music and Creativity. Also adopted the role as "New Mom".

Calming a crying baby

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Crying is the only way in which a newborn can communicate with its mother. I know right… I also wish I was fluent in the crying language (wishful sigh) Sometimes it leaves us as mothers very frustrated but for one moment, can you only imagine how frustrating it must be for our baby if we  force feed them and all they really want is to be changed into a clean diaper?

So part of having a 2 month old is that I’m not so overwhelmed when she bursts out in uncontrollable crying. It’s only because I have 2 months of experience of trial and error and I’m still learning. Oh believe me there were many trials and don’t get me started with the errors! This still does not make me an expert but it does make me fairly experienced new mom and not like in the first few weeks where I would cry with because of not knowing what to do.

So here are a few techniques that work for me and that could help you:

  • Remain Calm
    it’s the first most important step, babies can sense a mother’s stress so if you are calm she/he will pick up on it.
  • Do the routine check up for the obvious
    I call it the Feed, Burp and Diaper check. Sometimes I am obsessed with the fact that she didn’t burp yet, I forget that she actually needs a diaper change! It happens to the best of us.
  • Shhhhhh
    making the loud Shssssh noise  into the ear of an infant, mimics the sound that the baby was constantly surrounded by  in the womb, the mothers circulatory system.  That works with my little one.
  • Rocking and swaying
    Rhythmic moving such as rocking imitates the jiggling your baby felt inside the uterus and activates the calming reflex. Ways to use motion are: baby slings and carriers, dancing, infant swings, rocking, swaying and pushing baby in a pram.
  • Position
    Newborns are easier to calm when they’re lying on their side or stomach. This triggers the calming reflex by imitating your baby’s position in the uterus.  So try and lay them on your forearm, face down, A friend of mine did that and my angel was calmed down as putting pressure on her stomach eased the winds.
  • Play some music
    They recommend that you play music to your baby while she is in the uterus, I find that playing that same music or genre helps to remind her that “Mommy is here”. Classical music is a winner…Bach and Sarah Brightman works best for me
  • Soothers
    otherwise known as a “dummy” or “pacifier” is used to soothe baby  when they become all whiny. You would notice that infants may use a pacifier, their thumbs or fingers to soothe themselves as it imitates the feeling of feeding from the mother and will help to calm them.
  • Hand over
    This is a point that my husband taught me. If all else fails hand the baby to a partner or family member. Being upset and emotional can cause you to do something out of your control due to unstable emotional stress. Shouting at a baby is not advisable as they can’t help for not being able to speak yet. I have learnt that babies can throw huge tantrums with that small body .If  no-one else is around I simply give myself a 5 minute timeout, put baby in the cot to cry and just walk away to calm myself. I’ll return after a few minutes and try again all of the above mentioned steps again until she’s calmed down.

As a new mom, being tested is a daily challenge. Patience becomes your friend, so be patient,  firstly with yourself as you are learning as well.

I hope you find this post helpful, if you have any other techniques, feel free to comment a I am always willing to take advice.

-S

 

About the Author

Founder of the Just Pursue It Blog and Inspirational Women Initiative. I interview women from around the world to share their story of inspiration and hope. I'm a Motivational writer and Media designer, who is obsessed with everything Inspirational with a hint of Geek. Thrives on spreading everything Positive and enjoys the company of Fabulous Motivational people. Inspired by people with beautiful hearts. Loves Design, Interviews, Doing talks, Product Reviews, Fashion, Technology, Good food, Music and Creativity. Also adopted the role as "New Mom".