The Lessons and Blessings of Friendships

Sue faith Levy Blog: friendship

Friendship. The lessons and the blessings

I find myself at the age of 31, laying in my bed one evening and thinking about all the different kinds of friendships I’ve had. I don’t regret any of them (Hmmm, wait I use to, but nobody got time for that anyway… I’m grown up now) because I wouldn’t be here if those people were not a part of my life for that particular season. We all have friends in different degrees of life. The way we interact with work friends is not the way you’d interact with a friend that knows you for years. but here are my thoughts.
That’s just how life works. I’ve sobbed because of friendships ending, but I also know that everything happens for a reason. 

Pondering on why we meet friends

When we meet new friends, it’s all very exciting and for a while they are in your life, then life happens. We all have our personal challenges and you end up not seeing them for months. So what kind of person does that make them? I think it still makes them a friend, someone that you can be friendly with and that who respects you. It’s not all black and white when it comes to people in general. They are always grey areas in-between. What should be understood is that people may not be in your life every day, but recognizing them as people you once knew or have met before is better than talking about them, which can bite you in the @ss if you get ahead of yourself. That’s just how life works. I’ve sobbed because of friendships ending, but I also know that everything happens for a reason.

 So what does Friendship mean to me?

A friend is someone who brings out the best in me

So my understanding of friendship is that a friend is someone who brings out the best in me. I have a handful of close friends. Many of them were in my life at different phases. For example; I have a “bestie” from Primary school, high school, my teen years, my twenties, while I was expecting my baby, as a blogger via my website, my husbands friends became my best friends, I met new friends at Mosque, at church and I have met new and saw long lost friends since I moved cities. So if I have to count my “best friends”  I would talk about a particular person who was in my life at a certain time. I have been blessed with many friends in my journey of life. So I am appreciative of all of them. (Can’t mention everyones name, it’ll be a looooooong list, but you know who you are)
Nicole and I met on Facebook, today she is one of my most treasured friends. She was my strength when my grandmother passed away a month ago. Thank You Niccy for everything. Love you and Buddy (Niccy's doggie) xo

Nicole and I met on Facebook, today she is one of my most treasured friends. She was my strength when my grandmother passed away a month ago. Niccy has a heart of Gold and she’s just a good person. Thank You Niccy for everything. Love you and Buddy (Niccy’s doggie) xo

The Ultimate Best Friend

I can Skype or see her in person, and look like absolute “Crap” and she’ll get it. I think that the older I get, 

the more I appreciate her and she constantly challenges me, and I love that.

I took a picture of Rushka taking a picture. Since we both don't live in CPT anymore, seeing Table Mountain in all her glory was actually a nice memory to share.

I took a picture of Rushka taking a picture. Since we both don’t live in CPT anymore, seeing Table Mountain in all her glory was actually a nice memory to share.

You can’t describe your best friends in the perfect words. But I can try:
You can describe them with memories that you had with them. Best friends are the people who you have conversations about things that if it were anyone else, you’d be classified insane. However you don’t realize how special that person is; until you start to lose or miss them. My oldest friend (Let’s just call her Rushka) that I met at 8 years old, now she lives in the States. So after 24 years of knowing her, sometimes we drift apart, sometimes we Skype almost every week,  sometimes we leave voice messages to each-other all day,  it’s never consistent as we’d want to to be, but then again, which friendships are?
She gets me, I get her. We get each-other.
I was lucky to see her on the 1st of January 2015 in Cape Town. We took a long drive from the Atlantic coast, the Waterfront and Camps-Bay for the sunset. It was just us. Talking over sushi and cups of tea. The best part of that friendship is that I can Skype or see her in person, I may look like absolute “Crap” and she’ll get it. I think that the older I get, the more I appreciate her and she constantly challenges me, and I love that. It’s ridiculous how loud we are when we are together. We are the typical friends that will laugh and giggle so much at a restaurant, following with heart to heart conversations and we’ll end up asking the waitress for more serviettes to soak up the tears. I think thats the best part of knowing someone since before (She is going to freak out when she reads this…eeeek!) I had boobs (Yes Rushka I said it , No shame honey, no shame.) She saw me grow up and has seen me in the worst and best parts of my life? She gets me, I get her. We get each-other.

Evolving Friendships

The way friendships evolve is also through forgiveness and respect. It’s hard when you separate on bad terms, but the strongest friendships survives when we swallow our pride and just make contact again.

The new friendships that have become amazing friendships. For example, I have met a good friend who was initially a reader of this blog, she is now like a sister to me. My husbands best friend’s wife and I miss each-other so much. Before we had kids, Catriona and I had some real good times. The days of us having dinners and just doing things together brings back so many good memories. (Especially the Rat incident in Long Street, Once we saw a rat the size of a cat, I promise you Catriona and I screamed and jumped so high, our husbands are still convinced that we levitated. hahahaha)
Best Friends till the day we die

Best Friends till the day we die

A very special time in my life. The day I met Noah James Munnik, my little "nephew" Because hubby does not have siblings, he considers his best friend Thurston as his brother.Which the make Thurston my brother-n=law and his wife Catriona, my sister-in-law. We aren't just friends, we are family.

A very special time in my life. The day I met Noah James Munnik, my little “nephew”
Because hubby does not have siblings, he considers his best friend Thurston as his brother.Which  makes Thurston my brother-in-law and his wife Catriona, my sister-in-law.
We aren’t just friends, we are family.

I also have a friend that studied with me, Liesl. We got married one week apart, and to think we met at CPUT’s Multimedia induction week. I have treasured her friendship so much, I am always looking forward to seeing her parents, They are such lovely people (Aunty Aggie and Uncle Glen you are appreciated by me). It’s really amazing if you look back and see that your friendship has evolved into where they age with you, they have babies and they can share in your struggles. They are honest, they are real, they will be there when you need them to be. The way friendships evolve is also through forgiveness and respect. It’s hard when you separate on bad terms for a period of months if not years, but the strongest friendships survives when we swallow our pride and just make contact again. If your friend is going to be by your side when times are tough, they are surely going to be there when times are good.

Liesl's 30th Birthday celebrations :)

Liesl’s 30th Birthday celebrations 🙂

Believe it or not, but I have so many supportive people online. I have met friends who talk to me everyday, friends in different parts of Durban, JHB and Cape Town. Technology has allowed me to be in touch with so many people. I call them my online family. Most of them I haven’t met yet, but what I tell you that with the passing of my grandmother one month ago, they were my strength.
A gem of a friend. We have no pictures together due to her being in Durban and I in Pretoria. But if you had to listen our conversations, you'd think we were mad. The is only transparency. I can tell her when I feel like this motherhood thing is so hard, and she will give me advice. She has twins and I have Aliya, who acts likes she's two kids in one. I've learnt so much from Viveshni as a woman and mother.

A gem of a friend. We have no pictures together due to her being in Durban and I in Pretoria. But if you had to listen our conversations, you’d think we were mad. The is only transparency. I can tell her when I feel like this motherhood thing is so hard, and she will give me advice. She has twins and I have Aliya, who acts likes she’s two kids in one. I’ve learnt so much from Viveshni as a woman and mother.

The lady above is none other than the talented and famous Madam Macaron. She’s well known for her sweet delicacies. She makes the perfect Macaron!! I am just waiting for that day when she gets her own TV show. Watch this space. Her interview with a well known TV Programme will air soon. Watch this space.

My online family is very special to me. Every comment, status and honest advice soothed my soul. I can be real with them. I’m extremely transparent, and that has helped me so much. Sending you all my love. You now who you are. My Facebook timeline speaks for itself.
My sisters and cousins have been in that category, Family are the first friends you will ever have. I think that being a friend to a family member just adds value to that family bond. So as you can imagine, my appreciation for my family being in touch after 2 years since I moved from Cape Town.
My 30'th Birthday was such a beautiful event. The friends and family who came together to make this event happen, I want to thank you once again. You guys and girls hold a special place in my heart. I had a theme, bespoke decor designed, flowers with diamantes and a menu fit for a wedding. It  was insane! But in a good way. This picture of my cake just brings back amazing memories.

My 30’th Birthday was such a beautiful event. The friends and family who came together to make this event happen, I want to thank you once again. You guys and girls hold a special place in my heart. I had a theme, bespoke decor designed, flowers with diamante’s and a menu fit for a wedding. It was insane! But in a good way. This picture of my cake just brings back amazing memories.

Samona is one strong woman, she has shown so much courage for as long as I know her (Which is not that long) But sometimes people like her  just leave footprints in your heart because of what they do to bless you. I can appreciate someone like her because she is ambitious and is a lovely friend. Aliya loves Aunty Samona too. So thats a bonus

Samona is one strong woman, She is the she has shown so much courage for as long as I know her (Which is not that long) But sometimes people like her just leave footprints in your heart because of what they do to bless you. I can appreciate someone like her who has really been supportive and share in my happiness. Especially when I went to Europe, Samona really showed me how big her heart really is.
Aliya loves Aunty Samona too. So thats a bonus.

The people who can accept you and become a blessing in your life, Is God’s way of smiling on us from above as the  best part is was created that without planning it; they become your strength when your family isn’t close. They become the beacon of hope when your life seems mundane and you need a change. All people enter you life as a blessing or a lesson. I have had to make peace with a few times. But at the end of the day, I want everyone I know and meet to have that happiness in their lives, no matter who they are and what transpired the separation.

A Friendly Conclusion

Pursue to be a good friend when you can.

You know someone is true to you when: They stand in front of you, when you need guidance, beside you when you need a friend, and behind you when you need a little boost! Let’s pursue to be that person that has someone’s back, someone who actually care about another persons well being. Whether you are a guy and your friend is a girl, or vice versa.
This is what happens when your friend visits you on JHB. We jumped on the bed and laughed so much. Mishqah has been a real support, I appreciate that.

This is what happens when your friend visits you on JHB. We jumped on the bed and laughed so much. Mishqah has been a real support, I appreciate that.

Pursue to be a good friend when you can. Sometimes your presence in that persons life means the world to them, even though you don’t think so. Just because a friendship ends, it does not mean it was bad. Enjoy friends in your life as long as they a blessing and release them to allow yourself to gain the lesson.
Ps. If you were or if you are a friend of mine. I want to say thank you for that period that we bonded. Many lessons we learn are through the people we meet. Like I said, I have no regrets, just appreciation. Life goes on and I’m happy that I can get to this point and write about it.
Sincerely Sue

About the Author

Founder of the Just Pursue It Blog and Inspirational Women Initiative. I interview women from around the world to share their story of inspiration and hope. I'm a Motivational writer and Media designer, who is obsessed with everything Inspirational with a hint of Geek. Thrives on spreading everything Positive and enjoys the company of Fabulous Motivational people. Inspired by people with beautiful hearts. Loves Design, Interviews, Doing talks, Product Reviews, Fashion, Technology, Good food, Music and Creativity. Also adopted the role as "New Mom".

Loving Someone

Caring should be in the Heart and not in Words. Anger should be in Words and not in the Heart

Sue Levy and Aslam Levy Inlove

A and S

Hi Lovelies,

Do you ever sit and think, what is true love all about?

The Challenge of Love

Questions about Love and relationships:

  • What the hell is going on with me, Am I inlove?
  • Why her and not me?
  • Am I inlove or infatuated?
  • Why does he not call me back?
  • Why does dating take so much energy?
  • I have a long term girlfriend, but I want you? (Excuse me?)
  • How do you get over someone who breaks your heart?
  • He wants me to leave my husband for him. What must I do?
  • Does she/he actually love me?
  • How does one deal with someone who is “the one” , but to him/her, you are not “their one”
  • How do you get over your Ex? I need to get over my Ex!!
  • How do you know “He/She” is the one?
  • Love is complicated. Why?
  • Why do people not want to commit if they love someone?
  • Why does love come with so many challenges after kids enter the relationship?
  • Why does no one ever tell you that your marriage starts after your lavish wedding day?
  • Did she/he just use me for sex? or did they actually feel something?
  • We were chatting and he said “brb”, it’s been 4 hours and I’m still waiting? What does that mean?
  • Should I be with a girl/guy that has kids?

Many of these questions have been answered. Sadly the lessons are tough and It’s easier said than done, and that I know for sure. Relationships and Marriage, they really take a toll on you because it’s hard work, it’s an ongoing process of learning to love and receiving love. It’s a test of who will be by your side when you are at your lowest, it’s a test to see how your initial friendship grows more stronger with every year. It’s a test of just wanted something physical and who actually loved all of you. Love is about being afraid to hurt someone instead of being the douchbag that ignores the partner. Many people say they marry their best friend, there is some truth in that, but I think your marriage is something that was destined for you before you even knew it. Many people can’t believe who they marry because that person was invisible until they decided to really have a good look into the person’s soul. It’s a constant work in progress.

The “D” and “B” Word

Then you get Divorce and Breakups. We all hate the “D” and “B” word, but it’s a reality. Couples grow apart, certain things are just out of people’s control. Couples break up because of infidelity. Divorces also happens when one of the spouses do not get the attention from their loved one as they priorities activities before the marriage, so what does the unappreciated spouse do? He/She finds someone who will give them the time of day. Resentment is something so many of us hold in our hearts, but it is also the seed of many arguments. It kills many relationships and I have come to learn that communication is key. 

Yet being on the outside of friends/loved ones  breaking up or getting a divorce, in this situation as friends, we need to respect that relationship, whether it be falling apart or reaching an ugly ending, it is still none of your business. All you can do is be there for that person/friend when they need you most.

Ending a relationship

We may not see it when it happens, but from what I have experienced, it’s a painful process. Your heart is crushed into pieces, It’s a pain that is not physical, but emotional to the point of depression. From the outside all we see is that couples separate and get divorced, but if I had to put myself in their shoes, It’s probably one of thee most difficult positions to be in. The emotional loss of your partner can scar you for years, in all honesty, if you do get a divorce, no one will really fill that space, it just means that they were suppose to be in your life for a certain time period. It’s better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all. When divorce leaves you all sour from the inside, never see the marriage as a failure, see it as a stepping stone to becoming a stronger and wiser you.

There is hope. Love will find you

Sometimes it just takes a bit longer because your heart deserves someone who can appreciate you for you, and accept all of you with imperfections – SFL

If you are my friend, and you have been chatting to me about being single, you’d know I always say this “Stop looking for love, It will find you” and this applies even after a break up or divorce. I believe that we are all destined to be loved. Sometimes it’s someone that we’ve never met, sometimes it’s that girl or guy from school that we never paid any attention to until we saw them 10 years later. Sometimes it’s someone that you just met who just ticks all the boxes, Sometimes it’s your crush from years ago, who just appears out of no where looking hotter than ever. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer because your heart deserves someone who can appreciate you for you, and accept all of you with imperfections. Sometimes It is your duty to speak to your creator and ask for that special person (That is what I did at the age of 20)

The important lesson is to never give up. Your turn will come and when it does, it will be amazing in every sense of the word.

Here is a beautiful story about Love.

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes.

When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated  with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died.  The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

What do you think were the four words???

The husband just said “I Love You Darling”

The husband’s totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.

Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Sometimes we spend so much time asking who is responsible or who is to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know – that we miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn’t forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Don’t multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to unforgiveness. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

THINK….. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

 

Image taken by the talented Vicki Tertiens 

About the Author

Founder of the Just Pursue It Blog and Inspirational Women Initiative. I interview women from around the world to share their story of inspiration and hope. I'm a Motivational writer and Media designer, who is obsessed with everything Inspirational with a hint of Geek. Thrives on spreading everything Positive and enjoys the company of Fabulous Motivational people. Inspired by people with beautiful hearts. Loves Design, Interviews, Doing talks, Product Reviews, Fashion, Technology, Good food, Music and Creativity. Also adopted the role as "New Mom".