As a speaker and mentor , I have attended many events and met so many women and girls who complain about their struggle with their love -lives. Yes honey, I’m going there… I can feel that I’m treading on egg shells.
Honestly ladies, I know exactly what it is to be heart-broken and I know all about rejection. It hurts really bad and as much as you want to erase the memory… The song that reminds you of him plays on the radio, you see a picture of him on Facebook and you are taken right back to the anger and heartbreak. You try to kid yourself that you can still be friends and then you realize, this is not working… so you delete him off every social media platform, block him and unfollow him on twitter? Sound familiar in to you?
I have heard all the horror stories from young girls and women: The terrible exes they had. The guy who was so stingy you had to pay for your first date! The guy who gave up on you without even asking if you cared. The man who wasn’t a man in the end, but a scared boy behind the six pack? The guy who got what he wanted and ignored you after that and left you with a heart so broken not even you could pick up the pieces. The guy who was so into you and the next moment he just disappears off the face of the planet!
I have really been there and done that. Not to proud of the T-shirt (But thats another blogpost)
I have been married for almost 5 years. Trust me ladies you need to work so hard on your marriage because you can lose yourself in the process. I have learnt that if you respect yourself enough and you treat yourself like Royalty… You will attract a man who will in return respect you that way. You need to set boundaries in your relationships and you need to be honest with yourself.
Once you entertain someones sh@t, you will always be in a crappy situation. True Story.
My heart has been broken 4 times in my life. With every heartbreak I have become stronger as a women. I have been rejected, used, thrown to the curb for the hotter women that shares “her love” with every man in the neighborhood. There was once a time a guy told me that he loved me one evening, and the next day, he declared his love over the radio to my friend. Eina! That was so terrible, just reminiscing makes me so shy, I’m like “What was I thinking?” Ooh and don’t me get started on the excuses! if you are shaking your head in agreement, I need you to read below:
Here is my advice:
Don’t give your love away to easily. Once a man has had the milk, why would he buy the cow? Think about that.
- Set boundaries in the beginning and agree on what you like and don’t like.
- Love yourself enough to allow true love, enjoy the process, but do not rush into anything.
- Don’t allow yourself to overlook something if it bothers you. tell him your truth, even if your voice shakes.
- Don’t make him take advantage of your time, it’s precious and you need to not waste it on a man who does not deserve it.
- If he lies to you, hold him to it. Do not accept behaviour like that. You too should not lie to him.
- Always respect his feelings, if he needs time to deal with an issue, allow it. but after 48 hours, he needs to at least have message you to explain things.
- Do NOT and I repeat, Do NOT pay for everything. If he is a real man, he will go half on the bill or even be a gentleman and cover it.
- If a guy had time for you on a daily basis and all of a sudden, he’s too busy all the time. Accept that he is not into you.
- After a breakup, do not try to be friends. give yourself time to heal and do something for you. Pamper yourself and work through the hurt.
- Don’t give your love away to easy. Once a man has had the milk, why would he buy the cow?
- Don’t be desperate for his attention. If he cares, he will make time, if he doesn’t, tell him or just accept that he does not really care about you.
- If he gives you mixed signals. Confront him and ask him where you stand with him. the worst thing is believing in a lie. Rather take it on the chin and move on.
- Abuse can be overlooked so many times. If he physically hurts you. You don’t allow it. Once you do, he’ll do it again.
- If he calls you stupid, show him the door. A friend/man who cares will NEVER call you bad names. He is the stupid one to think you going to take that from him.
- There will be times when your relationship is not at the point where it needs to be. Communicate with your boyfriend/man and tell him how you feel.
- There are predators on the internet. You need to not take any internet relationship seriously. You need to be careful with who you chat to.
- Some men are dogs. Accept that those who are disrespectful, are not MEN. if he doesn’t respect you, show him the door and let him bark to his hearts desire.
- Communication is key, before you want to embark on a new relationship, while you are in one, you need to ask yourself “Do I love him, and is this the right thing to do?”
- If you are someone that loves to be treated with flowers, sentimental gifts or whatever makes you smile. Tell him. He is not a mind reader.
- He needs to be a man that understands your needs, on a spiritual, emotional and physical level. Those three should be balanced, if not, it’s time to talk darling.
- Don’t look for love, you might be looking at the closed doors and not see what right in front of you.
- If you aren’t sure about a guy. This might sound crazy… Pray about it. Ask for a sign. God will show you one, trust me this has happened to me and I got an answer. I ended up marrying him.
Whats really important is that you if you treat yourself as a Queen you WILL attract a King. When that happens, enjoy the royal affection. It does exists.
So this post might be a bit harsh, but it’d advise that I would give anyone because as I said, I have learned from so many stories women have told me, I have learned so many lessons with every heartbreak. At the end I am the Queen of my castle. I decide whats best for me but most importantly, communication is key.
Ps. I’d love to hear your comments.